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Nothing changes your day so quickly as unexpected emotional behaviour. It is primal in its delivery, and a manager’s response is also often primal. By identifying it for what it is, and developing coping strategies in advance, a leader is less likely to blindsided by emotional behavior, and can salvage the situation at hand.
When you are confronted by emotional behavior there are 3 things to manage simultaneously:
- The behavior itself
- The content or root cause of the behavior which may be a serious issue requiring attention
- The impact the negative behavior is having on you
Different types of emotional behavior require different responses, but here are some universal rules to help cope with highly emotive situations:
Determine if the conversation can proceed in a constructive way. In cases where emotions are running extremely high, the very best course of action, may be to adjourn the conversation until cooler heads prevail.
Be aware of the impact the behavior is having on you. It is important to quickly analyze your own state of mind before reacting. If you find yourself extremely agitated or otherwise emotionally compromised, you need to quickly determine how that will impact the quality and outcome of the conversation.
Articulate to the other person how you are being affected by the behavior. Often people become angry or otherwise emotional, and do not realize the impact they are having upon others. Many times the situation can be partially diffused by describing the impact of the behavior. For example, “I have to be honest and let you know that this conversation is making me feel quite defensive, and I don’t like feeling that way.” Note that you should not say, “YOU are making me defensive”, but rather focus on the situation.
Ensure the other person knows s/he has been heard. It is not necessary to agree with the other person, but it is important to let them know that you have heard and understand their message. Again, just by acknowledging their viewpoint, the situation may be largely defused.
Propose a path to resolution. It is important to redirect the energy of the emotional behavior into some form of resolution. If the other person is just venting, then you need to decide to what degree you will indulge this before terminating the conversation. Otherwise, you should engage the other person in determining a path forward and moving towards resolution of their issue.
Dealing with emotional behavior is something every manager will face at one point or other. It is never easy, but by keeping in mind the things above, a tense situation can be made easier.
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