Dealing With Bullies at Work

Bullies at Work are common occurrence that can be easily handles with a few simple techniques.  Below we discuss:

• Defining Bullies at Work
• Is your Bully “Fire” or “Ice”?
• How to Deal with Bullies at Work

Defining Bullies at Work

Bullying is more than just not getting along with another person.  A Bully is:

• Someone who wants to win at any cost.
• Aggressive and hostile.
• Motivated by power, control or fear.
• A repeated pattern of inappropriate behavior.
• Verbal or physical action that is intended to isolate or mentally hurt another person.
• Action taken to intentionally degrade, offend or humiliate another person.

Bullying is NOT:

• Someone who disagrees with you.
• Someone who is trying to hold you accountable.

Defining Bullies at Work: Fire or Ice?

People will recognize Bullies at Work when it is most obvious, but there is more than one type of Bully:

Fire

• Will explode when s/he is threatened.
• Tantrums, threats, shouting, anger and intimidation
• Highly emotional and uncomfortable for others.

Ice

• Far less emotional or confrontational than the fire.
• Sarcastic comments, sabotaging a meeting or interaction, belittling of others
• Deliver their abuse with a smile

How to Deal with Bullies at Work

Step 1. Determine if it is bullying

It is important to delineate Bullying from other forms of confrontation or negative human interactions that may occur in the workplace.  Sometimes people claim to have been bullied by their boss, when their boss is merely holding them accountable.  When determining if bullying has occurred consider the following:

• Often not what is said, but rather how it is said.  If specific words or phrases are chosen to belittle or intimidate, it is likely the work of Bullies at Work
• Make sure it is not harassment or violence in the workplace.  If there is inappropriate physical contact, it has gone beyond bullying, and you must involve someone else.  The exact definitions will vary by jurisdiction, but it is worth knowing the definition of harassment or violence in the workplace in your jurisdiction.
• If it includes threats, physical breach of space, or inappropriate language, do not attempt to solve the problem, but terminate the meeting immediately.

Step 2. Suppress Your Emotions

Strong emotions can compromise your ability to adequately react to Bullies at Work.  You must do your best to suppress your emotions and (re)act as rationally as possible.

• The bully wants you to react – often Bullies at Work take pleasure in watching other squirm.
• Detach yourself – don’t take it personally.  In many cases, Bullies at Work are not going after you individually, but rather the person in your position.
• Be self-aware of the impact the situation is having on you.  Know when you are becoming angry or otherwise emotionally compromised, and how that might impact your response to the situation.

Step 3. Redirect

Bullies at Work want you to absorb the negative energy they are projecting.  The best thing you can do is redirect that energy:

• Take out of a public space, if necessary.
• Acknowledge their point(s) without ceding ground.  To acquiesce to the demands of Bullies at Work is to invite more of their poor behavior.
• Restate their position in neutral language so you can indicate that you have understood their point.
• Ask clarifying and confirming questions.
• Ask them for a solution.  Bullies at Work often have no interest in solutions, because they would rather bully and intimidate.  An easy way to disarm them is to ask them for their ideas towards a solution.

Step 4. Adjourn if Necessary

Sometimes it is a completely legitimate course of action to adjourn your meeting with Bullies at Work.  Of course, if you do not follow up afterwards, you will be seen as avoiding or yielding to the bully which will invite more of the same behavior.  Reasons to adjourn:

• If you are emotionally compromised
• If you have any fear for your safety
• To take time to gather information or facts
• To allow all parties to cool off.

3 Things to Remember About dealing with Bullies at Work

1. The Bully may just enjoy being a Bully, and any attempt to solve a problem will be met with more hostility.
2. You need to take a stand or the Bullying behavior will continue.
3. Being Bullied is not the same as just not getting along with others.

Watch the ‘3-Minute Crash Course’ about Bullies at Work (CLICK THE ARROW TO START THE VIDEO):

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