The word “project” is probably one of the most misunderstood terms in business today. The term is used interchangeably to describe a wide variety (and often contradictory) of activities in the workplace. As a service to Wily Manager readers, we look at a variety of types of “projects”, and their actual definitions:
Projects Around the House (domesticus disasterus). The primary habitat of these projects are suburban cul-de-sacs where professional males live, who took no more than one shop course in high school, but think they are Bob Villa.
People Projects (exercisus futilitus). To be clear, we’re not talking about making some suggestions to tweak certain behaviors, we’re talking about trying to change the very nature of another human being. These projects are most often documented and heard about in female groups of 4 – 6. The best place to observe such a conversation is in the lobby of a movie theatre following a Nora Ephron film.
Guilt-easing Projects (glad-I’m-not-him-us). This type of project is where people address the symptoms of a huge (usually social) problem, knowing full well they have done little to rectify the root cause of the problem, but enjoy the illusion of having done something. Primary Habitat: North American and Western European urban settings – wherever less fortunate people in affluent societies are to be found.
Phantom Projects (projectus impotentus) This is the project where a group of people (who you would typically rather avoid at cocktail parties) take over a conference room for the better part of a year to build a project plan. The unfortunate part is that project never starts, much less finishes, and the project plan requires a dedicated server, and a whole room to house the hard copies. Such projects are most often found in public sector organizations.
World Hunger (projectus ambitious). This is a commonly misunderstood project. It is often used as an example of a project that is unachievable, where in reality, world hunger is a problem that is easily solved — we just lack the desire to do so. Perhaps a more appropriate example of an unachievable project is getting Kim Kardashian to show a trace of dignity or intelligence.
You heard it here first, the unachievable project is now the Kardashian Project.